Reflected Appraisal

Everything in the world is judged; from appearances, the way someone talks, and choices made by others.  There is not one thing I can personally think of that is not judged.  So when all this judgment is going around there is a hidden affects that are not always noticed.  For example: reflected appraisal, our perception of another’s view of ourselves. (Wood, J. T. 2010). Wood, J. T. (2010). Reflected appraisal starts from the day you are born until the day you die, with either a good or bad effect to our self-concept.  I have had success with this subject, but with everything done in life, there is always room for improvement.

Through the reflected appraisal process some come to believe that they are the way others are telling them.  Like a mirror effect, how others see us we see as well. (Wood, J. T. 2010)  In this case, if someone was to tell another person they did great at their presentation in class.  The effect would be that person feeling smart and proud of their work.  I believe I have made great success with this topic of reflected appraisal because I am always trying to make someone else feel good about themselves and up lift them.  I was not always treated kindly in school and took in the “treat others how you want to be treated” saying.  While I might have made great success of this topic I do have my faults.

There are three phases that go through someone’s mind as they think of their self-concept. (Cooley, n.d)  To begin one looks at how others see them.  Second one visualizes how others evaluate them.  The last phase is they come to a conclusion that is either good or bad about their self-concept.  How I am trying to improve myself is I keep in mind even if someone seems to not think this deeply about their self-concept, they do, and it should not be my job to bring someone down.  I am in the category of an upper; someone who reflects positive appraisal of self-worth. (Wood, J. T. 2010)  Although this is obviously something everyone does, the terms and concepts of it all is not known by many people.  I want to share this because it opened my eyes and can open many more.

By giving others information about reflected appraisal I believe it can help them live a more positive life.  Many have a set reflected appraisal that could have been from a long time ago but still believe they are in that said category.  Let’s say one was called dumb in school from elementary to middle school.  They have had that set label for so long that even when they get into high school and finally start to prove themselves, they still believe they are seen as dumb.  They end up having no confidence.  Someone’s faults should be accepted but encouraged to work on.  The influence of everyone around you can be harsh, with reflected appraisal known, it will be better to overcome and flourish.

Judgment is passed where ever you go, from appearances, the way someone talks, and choices made by others.  In the end, you are left with yourself and your own opinions to flutter through your mind, so why let someone else put those opinions there for you?  Reflected appraisal might be an obstacle for some, but a challenge for many who know nothing of it.  Just remember to be who you want to be and to keep in mind reflected appraisal can affect everyone.

  

References

Wood, J. T. (2010). In Interpersonal communication: Everyday encounters. Boston, MA: Wadsworth, Cengage Learning.

Cooley, C. H. (n.d.). What Is Reflected Appraisal? wiseGEEK: clear answers for common questions. Retrieved October 26, 2012, from http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-reflected-appraisal.htm

 

In the life of a writer

             You can communicate in so many ways, for example a nod to a friend across the room is a gesture of hello.  Through writing it is a way more complex.  As a writer you want your audience to feel exactly what you are saying to them.  You want to get your point across so they not only understand, but can see your point.  This is not an easy task compared to talking to someone face to face, because you need more words, more thought, and more time to communicate through writing.

            It is the writer’s responsibility to word and arrange his/her words to capture the audience as if they were sitting in the same room.  The words must be chosen carefully to assure the audience can see, taste, feel, or just understand what you are saying.  When a reader is done reading a true love story they should be crying at the end with hope and happiness in their heart.  The story written by the writer soaked into this person reading it that they could feel the emotions expressed and understood it at the same time.  Although writing just seems like spoken words on paper it is much more…don’t you think???

How often do you use nonverbal communication???

         Nonverbal communication is all communication you do without using words.  Two principles of nonverbal communication are kinesics and proxemics.  All nonverbal communication has a diverse affect for different people; factoring in the location, culture, and past experiences of an individual undergoing the nonverbal communication.  Nonverbal communication plays a role in first impressions, and even the relationships we encounter.

            Kinesics is body movements, hand gestures, and eye contact. (Wood J.T, 2010)  Our faces and stance all show language in some way.  For example if you meet someone for the first time; they have a friendly smile, their body language is laid back, and they keep eye contact.  That is someone you will more than likely not mind talking to and could turn in to a possible friend.  Kinesics is an important key for first impressions.  With this in mind, someone with a mad/nasty look on their face who didn’t look you in the face the whole time you were talking to them, would not be a good first impression.  Kinesics is only a piece of nonverbal communication.

            Another type of nonverbal communication is proxemics; the study of personal space. ("Proxemics: Interesting Thing of the Day", 2012)  When someone gets close to you it can be very uncomfortable when you don’t know them.  For example riding in an elevator is a small space that sometimes is full with people.  One must just suck it up and deal with it to get to where they need to go, even though that can be a very uncomfortable situation.  Every culture has customs that describes how personal space should be used. (Wood J.T, 2010)  The culture of an individual plays an important part in the way we use our space.  For example in Latin America people who are complete strangers may participate in very close relations.  They often kiss each other on the cheek when they meet for the first time. ("Proxemics - Proxemics and Culture", n.d)  Here in the United States that is not common because the culture is different.  So if someone from Latin America approached an US citizen and kissed them on the cheek, the US citizen would feel like there space was invaded.  In any case, different cultures have diverse views on how personal space should be used.

            Nonverbal communication has a different effect on everyone.  Playing a key factor in first impressions and relationships we encounter.  Kinesics and proxemics are only two types of nonverbal communication used every day that may even go unnoticed by the person performing them.  How often do you use kinesics and proxemics in your life?

References

Wood, J. T. (2010). In Interpersonal communication: Everyday encounters. Boston, MA: Wadsworth, Cengage Learning.

Proxemics: Interesting Thing of the Day. (2012). Interesting Thing of the Day. Retrieved November 1, 2012, from http://itotd.com/articles/620/proxemics/

Proxemics - Proxemics and Culture. (n.d.). Proxemics - Home. Retrieved from http://proxemics.weebly.com/proxemics-and-culture.html

Blogging...what????Mindfulness.....who????

So I wrote a blog before but it  sucked so I'm trying it again.  The only problem I have is getting people to view my blog.  So if you are a fellow blogger and could help me out with this that would be great!!!!

Anyway...My name is Tiffany.  Nice to meet you!  I am a 22 years old and live in Colorado Springs.  I have one son (1 years old) named Benjamin Angelo Taylor.  I insist on calling him by his middle name because his father's name is Benjamin and I did not want to call out and they both answer.  Lol.  I am still with his father but we are not married.  We go way back and its just a long story I don't feel like telling at the moment.  Currently I babysit from home and go to school online for business and accounting.  I really enjoy school and would love to discuss the topics I learn more....so here I am blogging!

This last week I have been studying communication arts.  Very very interesting!!  It made me think deep about things I have never thought deep about before. Lol.  (Guess that's what school is for...right?)  So the topic is Mindfulness....here is the paper I wrote...


                                              Why is being mindful important???

            Being mindful is the act of being fully present in a conversation.  It is about being fully tuned in to the person speaking where you are only thinking about their words and nonverbal communications.  This is not always an easy thing to do because of distractions that can occur.  It is imperative to realize how important mindfulness is and ways to improve this active listening skill.

            Being mindful can come in handy with many aspects of one’s life.  For instance in a work situation being mindful can help you gain respect among your employees, coworkers, or managers.  When someone feels like you are listening there will be a common respect made.  The person might even elaborate more and express things in more depth. (Wood, 2010)  Equally important is the amount of information taken in when mindful listening is put into play.  This helps misunderstandings between individuals not happen.  For example if someone is in their own world and another person is telling you what files you need to make a copy of.  The person spacing out only hears he/she need to copy files, but did not hear what files.  That is obviously some valuable information needed to complete the task.  There are many ways to develop mindfulness as long as one is willing to try.

            Remember when mindful listening, it includes taking the perspective of another.  Try repeating the words spoken by another mentally.  This way it keeps the mind focused on what the other is saying. (Wood, 2010)  Also remember to pay attention to the nonverbal ques.  This allows one to understand how this individual feels about what they are talking about.  The main idea is to listen with one’s entire self, to be entirely there without the mind trying to modify, answer, or repair anything. (Jones, 2010)  Yes, one should make replies like “uh huh”, and ask questions so the speaker senses one’s interest.  By the end of a conversation with someone ask, “Did I understand the other person’s thoughts and feelings?”  If the answer is no then more practice with mindful listening is needed.

            Another way to practice mindful listening is like meditation.  Start by listening to the sounds around for a certain amount of time. ("Mindful Listening - A Guided Mindfulness Exercises")  For example, one might hear the weather outside, and noises about the home.  Don’t examine them just listen and take them in.  Notice the feelings that might arise as this exercise is being done but don’t intermingle with them.  This exercise opens up the awareness within someone, creating mindfulness.

            Mindfulness is an important active listening skill one can use at home, with friends, or work situations.  Mindfulness allows one to be fully present in a conversation.  This makes it difficult for misunderstanding to come about, and mistakes to happen.  Mindful listening is a must learn skill for all. 

 

References

Wood, J. T. (2010). Mindful listening. In Interpersonal communication: Everyday encounters (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Wadsworth, Cengage Learning.

Jones, C. L. (2010, February 10). Improving Relationships through Mindful Listening. Ezine Articles. Retrieved November 9, 2012, from http://ezinearticles.com/?Improve-Your-Relationships-Through-Mindful-Listening&id=3734848

Mindful Listening - A Guided Mindfulness Exercises. (n.d.). The Guided Meditation Site. Retrieved November 9, 2012, from http://www.the-guided-meditation-site.com/mindful-listening.html